Wolf-Way (Wolf of my Heart) Read online

  "Neither do I, and I don't think your granddad will help us out. We're going to have to talk to some of the elders. We need to know exactly when and why they started excluding women."

  I could only agree.

  Later, during our run through the woods, we found shelter under a giant oak tree and made out for a very long time. With Rhyan in my arms, kissing me, the world retreated. We easily got lost in each other and went farther than we'd ever gone, though not far enough for me. I took what I could get, a good thing. For when we finally resumed our run, all my worries about losing Rhyan crashed in on me again.

  Who could really say what the future held for him once he'd thrown off the bindings of his gang life? He might change his mind. He might want to live without reminders of the bad things he'd been through. Because I loved him, I couldn't, wouldn't hold that against him. He deserved his peace.

  Tuesday pretty much repeated Monday and included a run, some making out, and stops at a couple more houses to help the senior occupants. But on the way home, we detoured to the obstacle course, where Rhyan practiced his skills. His wall climbing agility amazed me so much I asked if the technique had a name. He told me it didn't. He'd simply done some free running, which involved a lot of climbs and hurdles, and gotten good at it.

  I also asked about his rope climbing. I'd tried it, but had never gotten very high off the ground. Rhyan demonstrated how climbers should use their feet, knees, and hands.

  After supper, we played Texas Hold 'Em. I actually beat Rhyan, which slaughtered his male ego...for about ten seconds. We finally turned in around eleven.

  I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing around twelve-thirty, which meant I'd been asleep about an hour. I heard Chief answer the call, and though I couldn't make out his words, wasn't surprised when he poked his head into my bedroom shortly after.

  "Hope fell again." He didn't need to say more.

  "I'll be ready in a sec."

  Hope Henry, wife of Mason, another tribe elder, sometimes lost her balance. When she did, Mason had to have help getting her up. Weighing in at two-hundred pounds plus, she always required extra muscles in the form of Chief and a neighbor or two to set her on her feet again.

  I threw on some clothes and walked into the kitchen, where Rhyan waited with Chief. Clearly, he got to be helper tonight, which would save waking the neighbors and further embarrassing Hope. We piled into the truck, arriving at the Henry house just ten minutes after Mason called. It took all three guys to get Hope off the floor and into her lift chair. She cracked jokes the whole time, a trait I loved about her. Hope suited her name...or did her name suit her? Either way, she could always be counted on for a smile even though she had to feel humiliated.

  As a thank you, Mason offered us homemade apple pie. While the guys and Hope ate theirs in the den, I washed the dishes piled up in their kitchen sink.

  "Tehya's such a dear," I heard Hope say. "But that's no surprise. Her aura is emerald green, which means she's a healer and love centered."

  "You see auras?" Rhyan asked.

  "I do."

  "What color is mine?"

  "Why, it's blue, which means you're a survivor, among other things."

  She had that right. Did that mean she had me right, too? For just a second, I allowed myself to imagine life on the reservation if I replaced Chief as shaman someday and let Rhyan stay with me, as he said he wanted to do. I did love my life there...well, most of the time, anyway. And I loved helping people. Washing Hope's dishes felt perfectly natural. Comfortable, even. But wasn't that asking Rhyan to give up one kind of bondage for another? No matter how much he loved me, I just couldn't do it. His family needed him. He needed his family.

  Most of all, he needed the freedom to make choices based on those needs and not mine.

  After we'd been there about thirty minutes, the Henrys' dogs began raising Cain outside. Chief, who sat closest to the door, went out to check on them. Mason instantly launched into of an old Quantauk fable about the significance of barking canines.

  "You know all about Quantauk traditions, don't you?" Rhyan asked when he finished.

  "He sure does," proudly answered Hope before her husband could speak. "Has a real flair for telling the tribal stories, too."

  "What do you know about the wolf-way?"

  Mason laughed. "Chief's the expert on that, son."

  "But I'll bet you know as much as he does."

  "Well, I am older and do have some experience, since I'm a wolf, too. All the elders are."

  I heard Rhyan ask another question, but couldn't make it out. Guessing he'd lowered his voice, I had to wonder why and decided to join them in the den. Before I could, Chief began stomping snow off his boots on their back porch. A second later, he stepped into the kitchen, bringing a swirl of cold air with him.

  "What was wrong with the dogs?" I asked, momentarily distracted.

  "Smelled like wolves were around."

  "Ours?"

  "I don't think so."

  "Real ones, then?"

  Chief just shook his head, which could've meant anything. His frown told me he had something on his mind. Naturally, I remembered how Rhyan thought he smelled his old pack. That worried me.

  I didn't worry long, though. Apparently hearing Chief's noisy entrance, Rhyan quit talking and walked into the kitchen. Chief slipped past him and through the door to the den.

  "Dogs are fine. We're heading out now. You call us if you need anything else, okay?"

  The Henrys thanked us again and again, warm words that followed us right out the door and all the way to the truck.

  I went back to bed when we got home, but couldn't go to sleep. For the longest time, I lay there, looking at the full moon out my window and thinking about wolves. I tried to dig deep into my heart to get a handle on my feelings about the Quantauk pack. Did I really want to be one of them? Or did jealousy and resentment motivate my desires?

  I suspected Rhyan of having an agenda that had less to do with his cure than with my wish to walk the wolf-way. His curiosity about Chief's books, his questions tonight--they told me he'd begun a quest for the truth, almost certainly with the goal of getting me what I'd told him I wanted: shapeshifter status.

  Before I let him go any farther, I had to be sure if and why I did. I also had to know how my boyfriend really felt about dating a wolf if he no longer was one, himself. Would the role reversal work for him or be too much to handle?

  Wednesday morning, we jogged as usual. Rhyan, blatantly distracted, ran without laboring for air, a development that shocked me when I realized it. No way could his lungs have gone from needy to speedy in one day. Had he been faking?

  To find out, I veered off the track and headed to the obstacle course.

  Rhyan caught up with me in seconds. "I thought we'd be going through the woods again."

  He didn't sound a bit out of breath. I slowed and then stopped altogether, panting. He kept pace, but jogged in place, clearly not a bit winded.

  "You're ready for the obstacle course, aren't you?"

  "Not yet. I have to get used to--"

  My stern look halted whatever he'd started to say.

  Rhyan quit jogging. "Shit."

  "Forgot to fake it, huh?"

  He winced, then dropped his head in shame. "I'm not running that course unless you run it with me. I want Chief to turn you. It's your birthright as a member of this tribe."

  "What if I don't want to be a wolf anymore?"

  Rhyan frowned. "But what about your vision?"

  "It's not a vision, it's a dream--a stupid dream resulting from my frustration with Chief, among other things."

  "I'll never believe that."

  I sighed. "Well, it's true. You need to focus on your own problems. You need to be cured and get on with your life. You need to go home."

  "I told you I'm staying here."

  "Rhyan, please, hasn't your family suffered enough?"

  I whirled around and ran straight for the course, which left him st
anding there, looking at me in hurt and confusion. I knew this because I risked one look back.

  After we practiced each obstacle several times, Rhyan made some lame excuse about needing something at the drugstore. Of course, I tried to go, too, but he sent me to the house, instead, then never came home, himself. After asking me once where my boyfriend had got off to, Chief went about his business, and so did I.

  I set the table for the usual three that night, dishing up chicken and dumplings for dinner around five-thirty. Still no Rhyan. Chief gave me an odd look when the two of us sat down and started eating. I ignored it, focusing on my slice of cornbread as if it were the most exotic food in the world, and tried not to worry.

  "How's the training going?" he asked when the silence became awkward.

  "I think Rhyan's ready for the course."

  "Then we should probably start practicing the cure. After supper in the barn sound about right?"

  "That would be perfect," I told him, not questioning his choice of location. By design, I knew nothing of shaman ways beyond the recognition ceremonies Chief conducted for the sakes of proud parents. The actual magic involved both intrigued and excited me.

  Around six-thirty, we made our way to the barn. The horses greeted me with a whinny, as always. I gave them each a carrot as a treat before taking off my jacket and focusing on Chief. For some reason I expected the cure to be very physical.

  "First I need to know the extent of your powers," he said, shrugging off his own coat.

  "I only have two. I get the shivers when I touch a shapeshifter, and I can link."

  "What do you mean 'link'?" Chief asked, turning to me with a slight frown.

  "Oh, you know. When you read someone's memories and let them read yours. I don't know the Quantauk name for it."

  He shook his head, clearly not understanding.

  "But you must've done it a zillion times in your life."

  "Can you demonstrate?"

  "Yeah. I, um, guess." I looked around and pointed to a hay bale. "Let's sit here." We did, semi-facing. Dreading what he might stumble upon inside my head, I put my hands on his temples and focused.

  Memories crashed in on me, one after the other and way too fast to decipher.

  I pulled back with a gasp. "Whoa!"

  Chief looked a little shell shocked, too. "How long have you been doing this?"

  "All my life. Why? You do it, too, don't you?"

  He didn't answer.

  "Chief?"

  "This is very advanced magic, Tehya. The last shaman who could link--we call it shakta--was my great great grandfather. We thought the art had been lost." He sat there for long seconds, clearly stunned. "If I had this ability, I could be so much help to my people. Just think what I could do. I'd know their pain, their fear, their real needs."

  "Maybe this is something I could teach you."

  He looked me in the eye and nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe."

  "But tonight we have to focus on Rhyan. He must be cured. He needs to go home, see his family, and get his life back."

  "Are you saying he'll be leaving once he's human again?"

  "That's the plan."

  "Then you'll be leaving, too?"

  "I'm not going anywhere, at least for a while. I have another year and a half of college."

  "But I felt your love for him. It's very...intense."

  Oops. "My love for Rhyan means I can't let him sacrifice himself for me. Not when his family has been without him for so long. He wants to get his GED and go to college. He wants to coach. There's nothing here for him."

  "Or for you."

  "Actually, Rhyan has pointed out some possibilities. Things I hadn't considered, myself. Guess I've been too focused on breaking away to see the bigger picture." I sighed. "Could we please get on with this? I'm getting cold."

  Chief handed me my jacket, then said, "I wonder if we could simplify this process by shakta. Knowledge by osmosis. You could see my memories of the Wolf-way magic instead of me trying to describe it."

  And you could see me seriously making out with Rhyan in the woods...if you haven't already. "I thought you'd never reversed the magic before."

  "That's true, but feeling the actual magic that makes a wolf might help you reverse it."

  "Um, why don't we save that for later? You don't want to accidentally teach me things I don't need to know. I mean, I haven't made up my mind about the whole shaman thing."

  Since Chief's eyes twinkled as he nodded agreement, I had a pretty good feeling he suspected the real cause of my reluctance. I just hoped it was because he guessed what he might see instead of knew.

  Chief and I worked for over an hour on the intricate chant required for the conversion from wolf back to boy--a spell he got from the very book Rhyan and I pored over Tuesday. I found the words tricky to pronounce and remember, which made the whole thing especially hard to master. All I needed was to say something wrong and turn my boyfriend into a gold fish or a Chihuahua.

  When we got back to the house around eight, Rhyan still had not shown up. I really began to wonder and worry. Had my thoughtless words in the woods hurt him? Did he think I'd rejected him? I hadn't meant that at all. I just wanted him to know he didn't have to give up his life for me.

  Just before midnight, I heard the kitchen door open and shut. Wide awake and almost frantic by then, I jumped right out of bed and charged down the hall. Rhyan, who hadn't turned on the lights, didn't see me coming until I pretty much tackled him.

  My arms flew around his neck. My mouth found his. We began kissing before he could even return the hug, kisses that left me no doubt about his feelings for me. Whatever he'd been doing, well, it didn't have anything to do with us. Anything negative, that is.

  The boy definitely loved me.

  For the longest time, we kissed in the shadow of the stairs. Then Chief's bed creaked. I immediately pushed Rhyan toward the steps. He grabbed my hand, not letting go when I tried to tug free. Instead, he made me slip up to the second floor with him, where he sat on the bed. I straddled his lap and for the longest time just hugging him with our cheeks touching and my chin resting on his shoulder.

  "I love you so much," I whispered, pulling back just enough to plant kisses all over his face.

  "Love you, too."

  "We'll figure this out."

  "Already have."

  "Huh?"

  "You'll find out tomorrow, when we face the obstacle course."

  "So you're ready?"

  "More than, thanks to you." He hesitated, clearly struggling to find words. "There's no way I can ever make you understand how grateful I am for everything you've done. Room and board, moral support, love. You've change my life, Tehya. Not only that, you've changed me. I think I've become someone my parents can be proud of."

  Near sobs and certain we pressed our luck with Chief, I reluctantly eased off Rhyan's lap. "You always were." I tiptoed to the door. "Goodnight, Rhyan."

  "Night, Tehya." He blew me a kiss that reminded me of the one he'd blown to his sister before his word crashed in on him.

  We broke the news to Chief at breakfast on Thursday. He readily agreed. Rhyan set a time in the afternoon that I assumed to be random.

  But when we got to the obstacle course, I realized different. Two tribal elders sat on nearby park benches, sipping coffee from a thermos and smoking pipes. Rhyan greeted them with a nod that told Chief and me he required no introduction. I gave him a questioning look; he deliberately ignored it.

  Within minutes, two more elders arrived. Shortly after that, another drove up.

  "What is this?" Chief asked, approaching Mason Henry as he got out of his truck and limped toward us.

  "Just dropped by to watch. I really like that kid."

  O-kay. Chief and I exchanged baffled glances. I had not expected this. Obviously, he hadn't, either.

  Rhyan glanced all around as if taking a head count.

  "Ready?" asked Chief.

  "Yes." He took a deep breath--the kind I always
took for courage--then squared his shoulders. "Chief, I guess you're wondering why all the elders are here."

  Chief's gaze narrowed suspiciously. "You had something to do with it?"

  "Yes, sir. I invited them to come and clear up a little misunderstanding. See, I've been checking around, and according to all these guys, females can walk the wolf-way if they want to. There's no tribal law saying they can't."

  "What is this?" Chief rounded on the witnesses who stood at the beginning of the course. "I thought we all agreed--"

  "Maybe it's time to rethink our decision," said Mason. "Though we did it with the best of intentions, maybe we were wrong. Maybe this tribe needs balance in the pack."

  Several of the elders nodded.

  "Women provide a steadying influence," said Tom Leathers. "And based on recent developments, our boys could use some of that."

  Chief wanted to argue. I could see it in his eyes. But he didn't. I mean, how could he argue with the facts?

  He turned on Rhyan. "I assume you're wanting Tehya to complete the obstacle course with you."

  Rhyan nodded.

  Chief next turned to me. "Is that what you want to do? Think hard. This is a big step."